Top Tips on Having ‘The Chat’ With Your Child

Talking with your child about relationships, particularly sex education, can feel very daunting. This is especially true if it is the first time you have approached the subject. You may feel worried about getting things right, about how much to say and discerning what is appropriate for them to know. In this blog, I will cover some top tips on how to have ‘the chat’ with your child of primary school age.

Relationship and sex education (RSE) at primary school level is sub-divided into two categories. Government guidelines state that relationship education is compulsory at primary level, but sex education is not. It is up to the school to decide whether they want to give the children some form of sex education. And, of course, it is up to you to decide whether you would like to offer this at home.

Guidelines encourage schools to consider the children’s physical and emotional maturity when deciding on sex education. You know your own child, and this will help you decide what to share with them and when. There is no right or wrong, but starting discussions earlier rather than later can show children that talking about sex and relationships is good.

Relationship education focuses on respectful and caring relationships, online relationships and being safe. Government guidelines encourage educating children about different family dynamics- such as single parent families, families where parents identify as LGBTQ, adoptive or foster parents. They believe that no child should be stigmatised because their family structure differs from the perceived standard of a nuclear family. A key message in relationship education is that although families may look different, all should offer an environment where there is love, mutual respect and care.

As for the education of LGBT itself, the government encourage this to be woven into a child’s  education. You have the right to consult your child’s school about what they will teach and when. Like any area of the curriculum they should offer guidelines on how to support your child at home. What is important is that you show your child that relationships and sex are healthy parts of life.  Early conversations will lay the foundations for trust in future, more challenging discussions.

Not a tick-box activity.

Sex education is not a tick box activity. It is a conversation that will continue to evolve throughout your child’s life. At different ages, they will want to know about different things. Laying the groundwork for later conversations is important. 

Stay Cool.

Try not to laugh or show embarrassment if your child asks you questions. If you keep your cool then your child will learn that sex and sexuality are a healthy part of life. it is important that your child feels safe and comfortable enough to have and continue to have these conversations with you in the future.

Body part names.

Teach them the correct names for body parts. When they are young it is important that they know the names for external body parts and which are private. This could happen naturally at bath time for example.

 Different explanations.

Explain things at a level that your child can understand. Consider how old your child is and what they will actually be able to process. It may be that you simply say the baby grows in the mummy’s tummy and doctors/nurses help it out. Or you could give specific biological terminology such as uterus and vagina. You may also want to discuss scientific advances in the use of IVF to create pregnancies or discuss how some children are fostered or adopted.

Honesty.

Be honest about what you know. Simply say you don’t know if you really don’t instead of pretending and confusing them or losing some trust. Keeping it honest will help to build trust! You could research and come back to your child with the answer to their question or even better research it together. However, it is likely that you will know the answers.

Find out what they know.

Find out what your child already knows. They don’t have to initiate the conversation, you can.  You could simply ask, ‘Do you know how babies are made?’. In this way it can be good for them to direct the conversation based on what they already know.

Consult with their school.

Consult with their primary school about what they will be learning. Government guidelines encourage schools to consult with parents anyway, so yours most likely will. You can also get some advice on how you can support what your child is learning at home. Knowing what they’ll learn at school will help you to decide what else you may want to discuss. You may want your child to hear it from you first rather than from school. Having a conversation beforehand may prepare them and establish some trust between you.

Check in with them.

Check if your child wants or needs to know anything else. You could say, ‘Does that answer your question?’.

Listen and be patient.

Being an attentive listener can show your child that whenever you have these conversations, they are being heard. This will bode well for future conversations where they may need your support and want to be heard. Being patient will similarly show that this is a safe space for them.

 For more information visit government RSE web pages

 Also, check out your school’s SRE policy. This should be available on their website.

And don’t forget, other parents will be finding this tricky too. Use your playground network. It is good for you to talk too!